Family Talk Blog

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Put your best foot forward

Dr. Paul | May 16, 2018 |

According to Sigmund Freud, may he rest in peace, the two most important elements in life are love and work. That covers a lot of territory!

Full-time work comprises 40 hours (or more) of our waking weekly hours. Indeed, a Gallup poll noted that full-time employees are working closer to 47 hours per week. In addition, many of us spend years in school preparing for our chosen vocation. We work for most of our adult lives, forty years or more. It’s an integral part of the adult landscape.

In recent years, work has been challenging. We experienced a major recession in 2008 that... Read More

The new American family

Dr. Paul | May 10, 2018 |

Meet the Smiths, a typical American family. Just married, John and Mary have four children! Sally 14, and Joe, 12, are John’s. David, 10, and Bill, 4, are Mary’s.

Sound familiar?

The new American family is a blend of mine, yours, and ours—brought to you by a divorce rate of about 41% of first marriages and a remarriage rate of 52-64% of divorced couples.

The natural life history of divorce and remarriage brings about new facts of family life. From the rubble of marital dissolution rises the single-parent family, usually headed by Mom. Dad has the kids every other... Read More

When is praise positive or negative?

Dr. Paul | May 01, 2018 |

Spring sports are in high gear. Parents are lining soccer and baseball fields watching their kids practice and play competitive sports. It’s fun for everyone, except when you’re watching your kids play soccer in the pouring rain! It’s great to see kids running up and down the field, instead of sitting in front of an electronic screen playing video games. Team sports can teach children a wide range of skills and abilities that are very useful in adult life.

But parents sometimes wonder which behaviors should they praise--effort, participation, performance, attitude, or team spirit... Read More

Everyday courage

Dr. Paul | April 24, 2018 |

I’ve never thought of myself as a particularly courageous person. And, fortunately my bravery has never been tested under any extreme circumstances—war, fire, or in some situation that required heroism. And for that, I’m grateful. I’m fundamentally a cautious person. Of course, like most adolescents, I did some risky things—but they didn’t involve courage, just an undeveloped teenage brain!

While most of us will never have the experience of plucking a child out of a burning building, leading a charge on a battlefield, or rescuing a drowning adult, we are regularly faced with... Read More

A tsunami of depression and anxiety

Dr. Paul | April 18, 2018 |

In the last year, many of my medical colleagues have asked me— “Do you think that there is an increase in depression and anxiety”? I hadn’t thought much about it, but in the first three months of this year, our Behavioral Health department at The Everett Clinic was hit by a tsunami wave of adults and children coming in with these conditions. In January through March alone, we saw over 1500 new patients asking for help. This is unprecedented in the 25 years I have run our department. What’s going on?

With regard to depression, a 2017 study of over 600,000 individuals found... Read More

Present Parenting

Dr. Paul | April 11, 2018 |

When my daughters were little, I had two important realizations that changed the course of my parental life.

I recognized that their childhood was going to fly by, like a flash of lightning in a summer sky. Before I knew it, they would be out of our nest. And, I recognized, that as a full time working parent, my time with them would be limited. Like most parents, I had to balance work, parenthood, household responsibilities—in other words, the laundry of life. How was I going to approach this time-limited opportunity?

In that instant, I made several major parental decisions.... Read More

How to help children succeed

Dr. Paul | April 04, 2018 |

A couple of weeks ago, I was having lunch at my favorite Chinese restaurant. At a nearby table, an enthusiastic Dad was helping his 3-year-old trace the alphabet on colored paper. His son was excited and clearly enjoying all of the attention and praise he received from his father. “Great job, Joey” his father exclaimed as the little boy drew an “e” with his small hands.

I remembered how delightful it was to share in my young children’s desire to learn and understand the world around them. They are sponges for knowledge. While sometimes their innocent wonderings, repeated over and... Read More

The value of friendship

Dr. Paul | March 28, 2018 |

I remember my childhood chum, Dennis. We did everything together. We played ping pong until we fell from exhaustion. A brief snack later, we played Monopoly until his parents sent me home. I returned after dinner to play basketball into the night. Who needed to see the hoop? We were best friends. All we needed was each other.

Ultimately, I moved away, and our friendship faded. But childhood friendships stay alive in adult minds. They bring forth warm memories of innocence, loyalty, and love.

Adolescent male relationships have a unique flavor. They taste of adventure and... Read More

Losing your cool

Dr. Paul | March 20, 2018 |

Child in a blue shirt crying while losing her cool.

The other night I was tired, hungry, and feeling overwhelmed when I got home from work. It was a long day. My wife, who had a cold for several days, asked me to do something. I barked back at her.

I felt terrible.

Jill and Jim, with a new baby, both of whom work full-time, are often grumpy when their infant has a bad night. On those days, getting into a disagreement is as frequent as rainy days in a Northwest winter. But, when they’re sleep deprived—a minor conflict can turn into a vicious yelling match. After it’s over, they both feel awful.

How often do we lose our... Read More

Are you spoiling your kids?

Dr. Paul | March 13, 2018 |

Child throwing a temper tantrum and pointing finger.

Marion, age 3, was helping her mom shop. When they approached the checkout counter, Marion saw a toy she wanted. When her mom said she couldn’t have it, Marion started screaming and crying. She threw herself on the floor and kicked her legs. Her mother felt intensely humiliated by her daughter’s fit, and after a few minutes, she gave in and bought her daughter the toy.

Bill grew up in a poor family. As a child, he didn’t have many toys and wasn’t able to participate in any after-school activities. When he had children, he decided that they wouldn’t go without. As a result, his son... Read More

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